so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
