i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
