I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When are your genitals available?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
