Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
