I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think your dad took our porno
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
