i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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