It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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