Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
