i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
