That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
