After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
