i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
