i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
