Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
