Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
