We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
