did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
one two three fourrrrnication!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
