New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
