bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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