Those balls look pretty dangerous.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
