His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
