Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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