Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
