I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
