If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
