the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
