how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
