it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
