do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
