Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
