I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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