Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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