I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ruined the universe
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
