I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
