Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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