Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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