I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
pray to the hookup gods
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
