Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
