I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
