I wish i was in the wii world.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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