Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
