Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
