Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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