***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
