Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
