i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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