Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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