is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
