I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
