please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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