In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
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