Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
