Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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