You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
