I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
